It's been forever, but here's my Thanksgiving blog

I could write a book or at least a daily blog on each of these things.  I consider this a brief outline in no specific order.

Thankful for...
Husband who loves me and is willing to make me coffee, though he hates it
Kind and caring daughter who is a true kindred spirit
Son in law who loves his wife
Brilliant son who is going to find his way
Parents who loved each other and loved me
God who reaches out to me daily
Music that nourishes my soul
Beauty in nature
Extended family with all their quirks
Good food and drink
The creative process
Friends with all their quirks
Grandma Mecey
Pastor Ausland
Kindred spirits, so rare and so treasured
Having my babies
When you know you are at the right place at the right time for a certain reason
The beach
Singing in the car
Harmonizing
Colors
The senses
Massages
Books
Boogie board rides
Motorcycles
Muscle cars
The top down
Art
Photography
Word games
Worship, both private and communal
Aha moments
The reward of practice
Collaboration when it cliques so magically
Excellence in craftsmanship
Hope for a future shaped by love

Nothing can separate...

I haven't blogged in a very long time, but I wanted to share this with my friends about my schizophrenic son who has disappeared...

This morning I had sort of a breakthrough in my grieving about Philip’s disease and his disappearance.

It suddenly dawned on me: God is taking care of Philip. Philip is in no way in my hands and the responsibility for his care is totally on God. God has him. He will never leave Philip or forsake him.

I can breathe a little more freely today. I think it took becoming totally helpless, unable to do one thing for Philip. I can go on with living. I can become who God wants me to be, because there is the calm that comes with the knowing that God is walking with Philip through the valley of the shadow.

God is merciful, all powerful, kind and compassionate. My son is in the care of the best provider, nurturer, and healer. I can be thankful that it’s no longer on me.

I am reminded of these verses from Romans 8:

³⁸ For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers,

³⁹ nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Young again

It's amazing what a day at the beach can do to rejuvenate my soul. My old friend Mary Beth and I decided to go roller skating on Monday. We started out with breakfast at "Longboarders" where we had almond french toast. Then it was time for our big adventure. I had not been on skates for many years so I was sort of hobbling along the boardwalk that parallels the beach in Carlsbad. I finally got my "groove" back and got going a bit faster but my right wheels suddenly came to a stop as they hit a crack in the sidewalk. My left leg continued to roll forward, causing me to o-so-gracefully descend into "the splits" position, dragging my right knee behind. Ahhh...road rash. My left leg felt like it was tearing off, and I sat there for a minute contemplating whether or not I could actually stand up. Mary Beth (who was blissfully gliding on ahead of me and didn't see it happen) skated back to see if she could help me. I said, "I just wanna take my skates off now." I had had enough. Then, glutton for punishment that I am, we went boogie boarding. The ocean water felt startlingly cold after skating for an hour in the baking sun. But nothing beats the ocean for a revitalizing experience! In a few moments we were trying to catch some waves, but ended up getting washed up on the sand where I successfully scraped both knees. After a short while we were "all washed up" and decided it was time to eat. We had a great Mexican lunch at "Fidel's" and headed home in the afternoon. I felt like I had conquered. I'm not sure what I conquered, but it was nice to know at 50 I could play hookie, eat where I wanted, laugh and play like a kid, and get a strawberry on the knee. It made me want more of the same, but I think I will (a) get in better shape and (b) get better skate wheels.

I'll miss my grads...

Being a high school teacher it is always happy but sad to see your seniors go. I had 5 of my own students graduate last night and I must say I'm really going to miss them. Marissa is so sweet and has a big bright smile that always brightened up my day. She had to take care of her mom who was in and out of the hospital all last year. Her mom nearly died with complications of diabetes. Her older siblings couldn't help out, and her dad had to work. Marissa took on the responsibility of sole caregiver. She had to drive her mom to all her appointments and take care of the house by herself. I was so happy when the school allowed her to waive Geometry, since math was going to be the one thing holding her back. She walked last night with such pride and dignity. Afterwards, she was the one student who thanked me. She had tears in her eyes and said, "I miss you already". It's students like these who make my job worth every minute.

Love is a good good thing

I am feeling so much happier. Why is that? Where is this sense of peace coming from even though the world is falling apart? I can't understand it. Could it be now that I'm 50 I'm feeling content with my life thus far? There is still so much yet to do. I have no more answers than I did before, no great epiphanies. Maybe I have resigned myself to the fact that I'm loved. It's a good thing being loved, and unconditionally at that. I think I have finally decided to join in and participate on the side of being loved. Why fight it? Why be my own worst enemy when the God of the universe has decided to be my best friend no matter what? If I really believe in the existence of God and the fact that He loves me, doesn't it follow that there would be His peace and contentment? It is what God wants and it's good...it is the nature of love. Speaking of love, my daughter is now married. She was radiant as she said her vows. Yes, love is good.

Creativity still reigns...

Lately I've felt a bit repressed by the "analness" of certain people, and I guess I've not been getting to experience the creative outlets I crave. Last night I went to our student arts exhibit. I was amazed and inspired by the fact that in spite of all the evil nastiness of the world, art still rises above! I saw dance performances, and a student I know played guitar and sang (beautifully!) as well as recited her poetry (awesome!) I ended up buying a framed photo by one of my seniors, a young lady who is in love with God. Her photos of nature truly capture the creator's heart. I viewed the students' drawings and painting....some were excellent, some (to be quite honest) were crappy. But they all delighted me. I know many of these students. Even though some of them are not especially talented, they LOVE to make art and when I saw their work (some of them had never drawn before) it made my heart glad because I know where several of these kids have come from and some of what they go through. If me, being a teacher loved seeing and hearing these expressions, how much more does our father in heaven love it whenever we create? How it must make his heart ache with tender love and appreciation when we feebly attempt to reflect his world? No matter what medium or style, no matter how wonderful or poor the outcome, God is touched by our expression. I think it's so important to keep on creating. Don't let those of the mundane beaurocratic world ever hold us back.

April's come and gone

Wow...time is flying. Only a month and 2 weeks till Mandy gets married. I don't know what to think about life these days. It's so rushed and I just want to stop and let it sink in for a minute but when will the busyness stop? I just wrote a song called "Just Dream" and it sums up how I am feeling.

This has been a long day and I'm tired, tired of being tired
Need a change of scenery
I'm always doing right and politely listening
Saying all the right things
But I want to disappear and just

Dream....Dream

Forty years behind me will I stop, smell the roses
See the smiles, feel the joy in the journey?
Will I take the time to play, try not to sweat the small things?
Need to let 'em go, let 'em go, let 'em go, let 'em go and

Dream...Dream

Wish I had the time to lie in fields of grass and stare at the clouds
Till they turn into faces
I'd jump on a plane, fly away to a beach,
Drink some beer, write some songs about places where I can

Dream....Dream